Me: Oh, no, that was quite the cough. I wonder if you're getting a cold.
B: (touches his cheek) No, I'm hot.
H: Well, the real Santa Claus lives with the princesses somewhere else on Earth.
Me: (after walking into B's room and finding a large turd on the floor) What happened?
B: I farted and it felled out.
Me: Why were you a little hesitant to go into ballet class?
H: Well, because you're so warm and soft and I just love you!
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