Fuss-tated and thank-yous

Me: You cannot hit me. Or anyone else. It hurts.
B: Oh, Mommy. Papa will be so fuss-tated [frustrated] wif you!

H (first thing in the morning): Momma, my pull-up is dry! My pull-up is dry!
Me: That's awesome!
H: Do you know what this means!?
Me: That your pull-up is dry?
H: That I didn't pee at night. At all. Not even a little bit. My pull-up is dry!

H: You have a baby in your belly. It's really round.
Me: Nope. No baby. Just belly.

H: Do I have to write a thank-you card for every gift someone gives me.
Me: Yes. Yes, you do. It's the proper thing to do.
H: For the rest of my life?
Me: Yes, for the rest of your life.
H: Oh, man.

Pirates and Hairbrushes

H: Look, I have a Rapunzel pull-up.
B: Oh, great! Like my movie.

B: Look at all the pirates!
Me: They're sailors, not pirates.
B: Dey are on a ship. Dey pirates!

H: Where's my hairbrush? I can smell it, but I can't see it.

H (after receiving her ashes): Look! God is on my head!

Cookies and Mocos

I hand H a cookie.
H: Are these healthy ones?
Me: No, these are not healthy at all.
H: Then why are you giving it to me?
Me: Because they're yummy.
H: Oh.

B: Lick it, don't eat it.

H: So, how's your day?
B: It's good. Like RAWRRRR!

B: Momma, do you like my chin.
Me: Um, yes, I love your chin.
B: Oh, good!

B: Let's eat our tasty mocos!
Me: No. No. Let's not. That would hurt our tummies.
B: No. My tummy is fine.

Even when I'm spicy

H (in the car): The stars are following us, Papa!

H: Mom, I love you. And my sleep.

Me: Please don't put that in your mouth. It has germs.
B: I like germs.

B: Me be nice?
J: Yes. Please be nice to these people. We love them.
B: No.

H: She needs to eat something. She isn't being very nice.

B: No push me! I the Lio!

H: Papa, I want you to hold me.
J: You know, mija, I would love to hold you.
H: And I would SO love you to hold me!

J: I love you.
H: Even when I'm spicy.

H (in reference to her poop): What's that amazing smell?

B: Momma, I lost my strawberries.
Me: You lost them? Did you eat them?
B: Yeah...

H: Mom, you can be the goth fairy.
Me: Do you mean the god fairy?
H: No...

Rules and Poles

After removing B from a situation in which he was acting unkind in.
B: Stop, Momma, stop! You're breaking my heart!

H (to B): I love you, Batman. And you love me. I'm your sister, so you have to. It's a rule. And you can't break a rule.

H and B took a stink bug they named Gilbert into the shower with them to play.
H: Mom, Gilbert fell down the drain.

H: Mom, does Abuelita have a pole? I remember a pole. I'd like her to have a pole.
Me: Let's never have this conversation around your papa.

Farts and 10

H: Momma, I farted! My fart smells like bacon.

Me: Did you guys like the preschool?
H&B: Yes.
Me: Would you like to go there next year?
H&B: Yes.
Me: Will you listen to the teacher?
H&B: NO!
At least they're honest, right?

H: I'm three.
Cashier: That's a great age. Are you looking forward to being four someday?
H: No. But I think ten will be quite nice.

Humans and Lassos

H: So when a baby is born it just pops out of the vulva?
Me: Sort of.
H: And then it grow in 10 hours to become human. Or a dinosaur. But most of them become humans.

H: My earring fell under my bed. I need to get a lasso so I can rescue it.