Jesus is a fairy.

Cartoon girl on TV: That was spankin'!
H: Mooooooom! That girl said "spanking" and that's not nice.
Me: You're right, spanking isn't nice. But she was saying "spankin'" to mean "cool."
H: Why would anyone think spanking is cool!? There is nothing cool about hitting someone!
Me: Well, you are correct, but that's not exactly what she's saying, Miss Literal...

H: Momma, I'm hungry.
Me: Okay. I can make you coconut chicken fingers? Or an almond butter and jelly sandwich?
H: I just want kale.
Me: Just kale? Do you want anything on it?
H: No. Just a bowl of kale.

H: Will you get me some more ranch, mother who I adore.
Me: Well, when you put it like that, there isn't much I wouldn't do for you.

H: Mom, I miss Jesus. Jesus is a fairy.
Me: What?
H: He becamed a fairy when he died.
Me: I think you mean angel.
H: No. You're a fairy when you die. Angels are just there.