Collections and Spanish Lessons

H: I have a collection problem.

H: Can I have two?
Me: Just one.
H: But I'm not so sure I want just one.

B: Can I just say, "Damn! Damn! Damn!" all the time?
Me: I mean, I'd prefer you didn't because it's not the most pleasant of words. But it's your prerogative.
B: I'll just say, "Boom! Boom!"

Me: Okay, you changed Mommy's GPS to Spanish?
H: Lio.
Me: You think Momma needs a Spanish lesson?
B: Yep. It's my job!

H: Mom, Lio has a problem. Can you solve it?

H: The Easter Bunny only put chocolates and caramels in the eggs! I bet he knows I'm allergic. What a thoughtful Easter Bunny!

Spider-Man and big ones

B: You see Spider-Man. I can do like him!
Me (as B jumps off the couch toward the wall): I don't know about that...
B (getting up off the floor): I just know I can! I practice lots!

Me: We are buying you a toddler sized carrier. You're getting heavy for this. You got me?
B: Yeah, I got you.

H: I can eat this fish. And this fish! And that one!
Me: You want to eat all the fish in the zoo?
H: No, just the big ones!

Jesus is a fairy.

Cartoon girl on TV: That was spankin'!
H: Mooooooom! That girl said "spanking" and that's not nice.
Me: You're right, spanking isn't nice. But she was saying "spankin'" to mean "cool."
H: Why would anyone think spanking is cool!? There is nothing cool about hitting someone!
Me: Well, you are correct, but that's not exactly what she's saying, Miss Literal...

H: Momma, I'm hungry.
Me: Okay. I can make you coconut chicken fingers? Or an almond butter and jelly sandwich?
H: I just want kale.
Me: Just kale? Do you want anything on it?
H: No. Just a bowl of kale.

H: Will you get me some more ranch, mother who I adore.
Me: Well, when you put it like that, there isn't much I wouldn't do for you.

H: Mom, I miss Jesus. Jesus is a fairy.
Me: What?
H: He becamed a fairy when he died.
Me: I think you mean angel.
H: No. You're a fairy when you die. Angels are just there.

Morning hugs and Chicago

H (waking up next to me): You just need a good morning hug from Halloway and your morning will be perfect!

H: Mom, is Grandma going to die?
Me: Yeah, probably.
H: That makes you really sad, huh?
Me: Yes, it does.
H: Is she my grandma too?
Me: She's technically your great grandma.
H: Because she's the specialist?
Me: She's pretty special for sure.

My older brother: Look at this kid. Cutest kid ever.
B: Grandpa Shawn?

Me: H, aren't you super excited for your vacation?
H: Yes!
Me: Where are you going?
H: Chicago!!!
Me: No...Florida...

B: Momma, you're my best friend!