Rules and Poles

After removing B from a situation in which he was acting unkind in.
B: Stop, Momma, stop! You're breaking my heart!

H (to B): I love you, Batman. And you love me. I'm your sister, so you have to. It's a rule. And you can't break a rule.

H and B took a stink bug they named Gilbert into the shower with them to play.
H: Mom, Gilbert fell down the drain.

H: Mom, does Abuelita have a pole? I remember a pole. I'd like her to have a pole.
Me: Let's never have this conversation around your papa.

Farts and 10

H: Momma, I farted! My fart smells like bacon.

Me: Did you guys like the preschool?
H&B: Yes.
Me: Would you like to go there next year?
H&B: Yes.
Me: Will you listen to the teacher?
H&B: NO!
At least they're honest, right?

H: I'm three.
Cashier: That's a great age. Are you looking forward to being four someday?
H: No. But I think ten will be quite nice.

Humans and Lassos

H: So when a baby is born it just pops out of the vulva?
Me: Sort of.
H: And then it grow in 10 hours to become human. Or a dinosaur. But most of them become humans.

H: My earring fell under my bed. I need to get a lasso so I can rescue it.

Hook wackers and spiders.

H: Excuse me, I'm a hook wacker.

B: Momma, where's H?
Me: She's taking a break and playing in her room right now.
B: Momma, no can't do that! H a princess!

H: What is swearing?
Me: It's when you use and unkind work.
H: Ooooh! Like ugly? Or that one word I won't ever say again (stupid)?
Me: Yeah, close enough.

After being handed a donut from our priest
H: Thank you, God.

B is scratching his butt.
Me: What are you doing? Is there something in your bum-bum?
B: Yeah. There's spiders in there.

Decisions and Pizza

H: Did you order me that dress?
Me: I did.
H: Did you ask Papa?
Me: Ha. No.
H: You just make all the decisions, don't you?

Me: You are just too awesome for words, HP. Where did I get such a gorgeous girl?
H: From your belly!

5:30a.m. H rolls over and threads her arms into mine, putting her mouth up to my ear.
H: I really need pizza.

B: Momma, I say "roar" you say "ahh." Roar!
Me: Ahh!
B: Roar!
Me: Ahh!
B: Boo!
Me: Ahh!
B: No! I no say "roar." Listen to me. 'Stand [Understand] me?

Motives and the Grocery Store

H: B bit my toe. But papa is going to talk to him. I told him he needs to talk to him about his motives.

B: My penis is too big for my chonies.

Upon finding lingerie in the library.
H: Oh, you have a princess dress, too! We can wear them together....at the grocery store!